Okay, I know, depressed is a word that is used way too often. But I can say tonight that I feel so sad... I feel sad because just about 2 1/2 hours ago I had a wake up call. You know what I am talking about, the one that you are kind of in denial about and then it just comes out of no where and smacks you across the face? Well, yeah, that's the one. Yeah, I have been in denial since school started, what am I talking about? Well, my life story of course! My weight, yeah that's right, I am not afraid to say it, it is my weight. It is that hated word in my vocabulary that has been haunting me my whole life, WEIGHT! It has kept me from being happy at my most happiest moments, it sits and waits for me to look in the mirror in the morning, yeah the outfit is cute, the make up is perfect, my hair looks good, but who am I kidding???? Look, it can't be hidden with a smile, it is there for the whole world to see, my weight.
After I had Marley I took "IT" off with Weight Watchers and since then have been going back and forth between 20 pounds. But, not tonight. I joined Weight Watchers, seriously for the 12th time in my life (sad, huh?). And to my surprise, I am exactly what I weighed 7 years ago right after I had Marley. I have gained 16 pounds since the last time I joined WW back in September. Pathetic? Yeah, I know. It made me sick to my stomach. 47 pounds packed right back on. How did this happen? How could I possible let myself get to this point again, and I can't even blame it on a baby! NO, this time I get to take the responsibility all on my own. The saddest part is that I only weigh 10 pounds less than my husband. This is seriously out of control. Really, it is not only that I feel bad about my looks, but that I don't care enough about myself to take care of my body. For the longest time I have always tried to hide the fact that I am insecure about my weight, but tonight I realized that I don't want to hide and be insecure. I seriously need to face reality! Eating a freakin' doughnut from QT has it's consequences! I have to do something... I have to do more than Weight Watchers. I need a game plan... a serious one too.
1 day ago
5 comments:
Hey Misty, I totally know how you feel. My mom and I were just reading your blog and I told my mom after reading this, Misty looked really nice yesterday at church. I joined curves a couple of months ago and I am having a hard time being motivated. I just wanted to let you know if you would like a walking buddy I would love to go with you.
I would love a walking buddy... I would have to go in the evening... what time works best for you?
The evening is fine. Anytime you would like . Just let me know. Your the one with the busy schedule.
Misty - Do you think that maybe you have been just a little bit busy being a mom, wife, daughter, teacher and student so you put your own health and personal well being on the back burner? Don't beat up on yourself, just put some of that energy into taking care of yourself. You are BEAUTIFUL - If I could wish you one wish that would come true it would be for you to KNOW that you are beautiful-not just on the inside but on the inside & out.
You are absolutely GORGEOUS!... and perfectly beautiful at any weight.
I do, however "get" where you are coming from, since I struggle with that same issue.
Maybe we could explore some possibilities for a solution together. I wish they had an indoor racket ball court some where close by. That's a GREAT activity for me!
I deserve some motivation!
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